Nine years on and two children later, I have learnt so much. I think being a parent has to be the biggest personal development program you’ll ever go on, particularly for a woman. Below are eight key things I have learnt about being a mum while having a career in professional services.

Not everyone will share your view of what good parenting is.

It is so dependent on your situation, views and experiences. I chose to go back to work fulltime after nine months off with both of my children. Mainly because I thought they would need me more when they got older and I would plan to be more around for them then. This raised a few eyebrows, even from HR. I found it really challenged me and my beliefs, mainly because people were keen to remind me that most women return part-time and I was an unusual case. Early on I questioned whether I was a good mother because I enjoyed being at work and wanted to continue my career. I have since learnt that going to work makes me a better parent and that there is no right or wrong way to raise children as nobody can completely understand you or your situation. As a result it is really important for you and your partner to discuss what good parenting means for both of you and come up with a shared view.

Nobody will look after your child/ren as well as you do.

This is a hard one and it doesn’t mean you should settle for less. It just means that you need to choose carefully and feel that whoever you have selected to do this, is working in yours and your child/ren’s interests. With all the different kinds of care available it is important to recognise that as discerning as you are, so are they. And when you find the right people value them highly and treat them well because it isn’t always easy finding someone you and your children like.

You need to be honest with yourself and define what career success means for you.

Before I had my first child and even afterwards I was working my way to being the head of the function and being able to make all of the decisions. By the time I had my daughter nearly four years later, I found I was more motivated by doing interesting work with great people. Your priorities change and your definition of success changes. I work with some lawyer mums who are very keen to progress their career and as a result continue to work at the same pace as before they had their child. They also have the family arrangements in place that enable them to come to work and be the best they can be. Equally there are also others who were comfortable working on the less time critical matters which are intellectually stimulating and give them more manageable hours. Some choose to go into non-billable roles which keep their skills up until such time they are ready to go back into practice. Others decide to look for an in-house role that will accommodate their professional and family needs, with the view to returning to private practice when they are ready or perhaps never.

Identify what support you need on a home front.

This is particularly important when you have other people depending on you. I have learnt that children like consistency. For that to be possible I had to discuss with my husband what he could commit to and what I could realistically commit to with regards to care for our child/ren. In our situation we don’t have family living around the corner so to fill the gaps we outsourced what we couldn’t do. Initially we had a nanny working for us four hours a week, 5pm – 7pm. By the time we had our second child, our roles were more demanding of our time and as a result we now have a nanny who looks after our two children three days a week from 2-8pm. In this role she is responsible for the children’s washing, changing their bedsheets, fetching them from school/daycare, night time routine and cooking our dinner. This currently works for us although I know it’s a phase we’re going through and in time we will need to make adjustments again. For some senior practitioners I work with they have a week day nanny and a weekend nanny. Others have an au pair and some share their nanny depending on their needs. In some firms they have mothers/parent networking groups and also have emergency care arrangements set up for fee-earning staff who work long hours paid for by the firm. It may be worth finding out what your employer provides.

Be flexible and speak up when it’s not working.

There will be times when the arrangements you have put in place will need adjusting either because circumstances have changed or you have a morning CLE/networking event to attend. See if one of your other supports or your partner can swap with you. I didn’t consider swapping when my husband phoned me and asked if I could take the kids instead of him because he had to be at work early. It took me until the fourth request to realise what was happening and that was when I started saying, “I can do that and what are you going to do instead?” This meant that there was a fair exchange for the swap and I wasn’t taking on all of his responsibilities. If you aren’t able to work out a fair exchange it can quickly turn to resentment.

Train those around you at work.

Nowadays many have caring responsibilities, you won’t be alone. In most cases people are understanding about care arrangements and will look to work around them particularly if you are open about what you can and can’t do on your days off or when you can work late. At least then they can consider what work to give you and how to structure a team so that it can work for everyone. There is nothing more frustrating for a partner/supervisor of work than learning very late in the day that you can’t complete the work because you didn’t mention you had to leave the office to pick up your children. To manage a flexible worker or to work to time limits does take more planning but it isn’t something that can’t be done. It is harder managing someone on a flexible arrangement or with limited time commitments so help your supervisor by providing a solution so that they have confidence they will have the work ready for the client when it is needed. This may require you to develop a more junior lawyer to work more closely with you. Remember not to be that lawyer who has great work life balance only because the rest of the team are working odd hours or around the clock to make up for it.

Consider which networking and business development events you enjoy and get value from and leverage those to build your brand and profile.

I am sure if you looked, you could go to an event every morning and evening of the week if you wanted to. Depending on your situation, work out what events make sense to go to or what your availability is and only make exceptions when you really have to. I remember working with a very successful part time partner who only went to breakfast events and was very disciplined with the number of networking/business development events she attended during the working day. She also collaborated with some colleagues who could go to events she couldn’t. This meant she was still getting good information even if she wasn’t able to attend.

Find your support network.

Behind every great lawyer is a group of people supporting, mentoring and wanting to see them succeed. Notice who these people are for you and if they are serving you and your cause well. If they are, then great and if not, it may be time to make some changes. These are the people who you trust, who can give you a reality check, you can vent with, blow off steam with or ask their opinions. In my experience this works well for those who have a combination of work colleagues, friends, lawyers and non-lawyers to fulfil those roles.

Remember to say thank you.

I know it sounds obvious but you would be surprised how grateful those around you will be when you recognise their efforts and are seen to actively support them. Irrespective of your law firm structure the reality is, people find a way to work with and for those they like and respect. I know a part time partner who cultivated a group of followers while she was a senior associate and special counsel and now has a ‘ready made’ team as a partner. These people supported her in her absence, found matters that she could supervise them on and were always available to work with her. Admittedly she is a lovely person however I think providing others with recognition and supporting them was a key contributor to them looking out for her too.

These are in no way a complete list of my learnings. I am still learning and making adjustments along the way. No doubt when my daughter starts school next year we will go through another phase as a family and need to make adjustments again.

About Martine Barclay (M: 0427 357 607 or www.redefineyouredge.com.au)
Martine has over twenty years experience developing professionals and she now runs her own coaching, mentoring and leadership development practice. After working in the talent development area for nearly six years with lawyers at Norton Rose Fulbright and King & Wood Mallesons, and being married to a partner in a law firm, Martine really understands the challenges female lawyers face in practice.

Firstly it is important to read your CV with a fresh pair of eyes, try to think about who will be reading it and what will they be looking for. If you are applying for a position, which has been advertised, have you addressed the position criteria? It may be obvious to you that you are perfect for the role but not to the person reviewing your CV.

Secondly, you need to highlight your accomplishments, as this is what will make you stand out from the crowd. Most CVs will have the basics already; contact details, education and employment history however by thinking back to your career achievements you can create a more compelling CV.  Here is an opportunity for you to demonstrate your skills and to back them up with strong examples of how good you really are.

Thirdly your CV should be in a simple format with no tables, borders or complex formatting and demonstrate good attention to detail. This will ensure that your CV will look good no matter where it is sent and a thorough proof read will avoid you being discounted for a role due to a simple spelling mistake.

Finally don’t forget to update your LinkedIn profile. It is one of the first places that recruiters will look for potential candidates and is often used by senior executives to review candidates before interview so it needs to be professional and relevant, including your profile picture.

Looking for a job is hard work, which on top of being a mum is definitely challenging so remember to persevere. Great jobs don’t often come looking for you so make sure your CV is polished and ready to go and you have an up to date LinkedIn profile to help you along the way. Use your networks and don’t be afraid to ask for advice, there are many mums out there balancing exciting careers with the demands of motherhood and there is no reason you can’t be one of them.

Nicola Spooner CV’s provides professional CV and LinkedIn profile writing as well as interview and career coaching. For more information visit www.nicolaspoonercvs.com or call 0406296426

What is work-life balance?

The balance that works for one person does not necessarily work for another. My definition of work-life balance is the balance that you as an individual, are OK with to fit into your values and what’s important to you. I coach mums around this topic often and help them to uncover what they are OK with. I see some mums that love working, work a 60 hour week and really make the most of the time outside of that to enjoy personal/family life. I see other mums who stay at home full time and don’t feel like they have enough quality time for themselves or the family.  The balance is in your mindset.

So why is it important to have it?

With all the different hats we wear as working mums it’s easy to get caught up in non-stop working. All work and no play (or vice versa) makes mum a dull girl.. or burnt out! One reason for me to take stock of where I was allocating my time was that I wanted to offer my kids the best of me at least some of the time.  Psychologists say the imprinting phase for a child is up to 7 years of age.  During this phase the key influences are their role models, namely parents.  I want them to see how I can work and look after my health and have some fun along the way. If I’m enjoying the journey, I am teaching them that they too can enjoy the journey.

So how do you get it?

First thing is to work out what’s important to you.  Write these values in a list and then prioritise them.  The priorities might change day to day or week to week depending on what’s happening e.g. major project at work or baby sick at home. Be prepared to go with the flow. The important thing is that the list of what is important to you is on your radar and not off in some pipe dream. Then allocate some of your time each day to each priority.

For example, my daily list includes quality time with hubby (e.g. a meal together or simply a text message that says “hi, I’m thinking of you” if one of us is working late), fun time with kids (e.g. rolling with them on the floor or tickling them as I dry them off after their bath), exercise and eating well (e.g a walk or a 10 minute pilates exercise) and nurturing and growing in my work (i.e. In priority order, a realistic list of things I can achieve in a day).

Keeping all these things on my radar allows me to be far more productive each day as I’m not ignoring things that are important to me. I’m reducing the mind chatter that says I should have done this or I wish I had time for that. The clearer mind allows me to be more engaged with everything I am doing from hubby to kids to work. Get really clear on what’s important to you and start living by it today!

How do you create balance in your life?

By Dina Cooper
www.hoogi.com.au

As a pioneer in the field of mums, Dina is helping develop professional coaching as a choice for the modern day mum.  Dina first started coaching in 2005, following a high-flying career as a Chartered Management Accountant, working internationally. In 2011, she professionally qualified as a coach and founded her company Hoogi, coaching mums locally, nationally and internationally. She has developed the popular parenting series Mini Mind Spas and runs annual weekend Mind Retreats.

Her vision and what she has personally discovered is, as a mum develops her mindset and leans into the very best version of herself she leads her children and family to do the same. Every mum can be the role model she wants to be to her children and in her life, in the way she chooses to be.

Join in with the fun at www.hoogi.com.au and on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MumsJustWannaHaveFun

Q1. What gets you up in the morning?

Usually my dog Henry barking at a passing jogger and the need to get my children to school on time… Like many people it’s also the monthly mortgage payment, school fees, my particularly bad shopping habit and the thought of our next holiday.

Q2. What do you enjoy most about specialising in employment law?

I like the fact that employment law is related to people and each case is different in the same way each person is different. As an employment lawyer I consider myself part of the broader HR profession. I also like that employment law is highly politicised and so can change with every change in government.

Q3.  Top tips for being a Lawyer Mum? How do you manage being a Partner of a top law firm, a Mum, a wife, maintain friendships, run a household and have time to yourself?

The bottom line is I don’t do it all. I have a very useful and supportive husband who is probably more involved with our children and their activities than I am. I also have a great extended family especially my parents (who also work) who help out when they can, I don’t spend as much time with my friends as I would like, I have had to let go some of my standards at home (and consequently my family and friends know that surprise visits are not acceptable!), I outsource the house cleaning and I very rarely get time to myself.

Q4.  What advice would you give a Lawyer Mum who is about to commence maternity leave?

Enjoy your leave, just look after yourself and your baby for the first few months and then try to maintain some contact with your firm/employer each week for the balance of your leave but don’t make any firm decisions about when and how you want to return until the baby is at least 4 months old if you can.

Q5.  What advice would you give a Lawyer Mum who is looking to re-enter the law after a few years break having children?

Have confidence, things don’t change that much over time and you are valuable to the business!!! Also, something I repeatedly tell people who work with me – ‘we’re not Doctors!’

Q6.  What advice would you give a Lawyer Mum who wants to pursue partnership and have a family?

Make sure this is  really what you want because it is very, very hard and there is no doubt that in pursuing partnership you will miss out on some aspects of your family and personal life, make an informed choice in consultation with your partner then if you decide partnership is what you want as well as a family then put your head down and go for it!

Q7.  How do you unwind?

That is one of my biggest challenges…. I walk and swim if I have time (I hate the gym), ideally I would also play golf and tennis but no time. I read, do Sudokus and watch TV if I can sit still and in recent times I have been getting in to mindfulness and meditation but to be honest the main way is to drink wine, eat and chat with family & friends.

Q8.  What’s the best holiday you’ve ever been on?

In recent times it is skiing in the Dolomites in Italy with family and friends – so relaxed, great snow, great food and loads of fun for the whole family, skiing is a fantastic activity to do with older children (so long as the parents’ bodies can keep up…) and skiing in Europe (once you get there) is much cheaper than Australia or NZ.

Q9.  Who’s your idol?

I don’t have one really, maybe Martha Stewart purely from a homemaker perspective (although I’m not so good with numbers either…). I like Amanda Keller too, is that too daggy to say?? I have read loads about having a sponsor / mentor / coach, I see real benefit in this and have looked for that sort of relationship a great deal but never found something really satisfactory. My main role model is probably my Mother who is a 69 yo working professional who runs a great home, is a great Mother & Grandmother and loves a party. She’s v smart and practical and doesn’t suffer fools or self-pity. I also have a client/friend who is a role model because she is a beautiful Mother and wife and has a great HR job that she does really well, she is very true to herself in her work which is something I admire and aspire to be.

There’s no easy fix for this, but cultivating the ability to do Present Parenting can really make a difference.

Present Parenting means:

1. Having the ability to be fully present when interacting with your child, and
2. Making that choice more often.

So, what does it mean to be “fully present”?

It means paying 100% attention:

No distraction, no judgment and no rushing.

Now: When you read that definition, what was your reaction? What did you say to yourself? What emotion/s did you feel? Beginning to tune into your emotions and thoughts as you have them is one of the foundational skills of present parenting.

Present Parenting is not something you would do each and every time you interact with your child. We’re only human, after all – and it’s also perfectly fine for your child to realise that you have other priorities at times – whether that be getting dinner ready or taking a conference call. But having the ability to be fully present more often will make an enormous difference to the quality of your relationship.

Present Parenting can revolutionise your relationship with your child:

• More joy
• More connection
• Less tension
• Less distance

There are 5 elements to Present Parenting:

1. Listening without distraction
2. Accepting your child
3. Understanding emotions
4. Keeping calm
5. Compassion

This isn’t a binary process – you don’t go from struggling then suddenly hit a tipping point and have it all sorted out. It is most definitely a process and from personal experience I can tell you it will involve some backward steps at times! But even if the goal seems inconceivably far away – why not take one little action towards it? The thread that ties these elements together is awareness. So here’s a project for you: over the next 24 hours, when you are with your child, imagine that you are not the weary and distracted parent but are rather a beloved family friend or babysitter. How does your attention and interaction change? Looking at the five elements listed above, did they play out differently in your interactions with your child? What can you learn from that?

I’d love to hear how you go!

© Madeleine Shaw 2014

Madeleine Shaw helps people answer the question “What now?” through her coaching business Real Brilliance (www.therealbrilliance.com). In her work as a senior manager with The Resilience Institute (www.resiliencei.com), Madeleine develops and delivers programs to help people and organisations to flourish.

Always fascinated by people and what makes them tick, Madeleine was keen to study psychology. However, she followed the advice of a high school career counsellor and went into law. Now, well over twenty years later, she has brought all her rich professional and corporate experience with her and come full circle.

Madeleine draws on her unique combination of experience as a former lawyer with top tier firms in Australia and the USA and a major multinational corporation. She has also produced several short films (including Tropfest finalist Pacific) andwas business affairs executive on Ray Lawrence’s highly acclaimed film Jindabyne.

Madeleine receives great feedback on the results she gets helping people develop their inner skills, so they perform at their best. Her clients say she is down to earth, compassionate and empathic while retaining an unswerving commitment to results.